Tehran – Iranian opposition leader, Mir-Hossein Mousavi, announced today that calls for a new election and all other revolutionary activities will cease until the Los Angeles coroner’s office releases the results of toxicology tests performed on Michael Jackson, which could take several weeks.
“We need the world’s attention if we’re going to overthrow the government, and until people know what combination of prescription drugs caused Michael’s death, that’s just not going to happen,” said the Iranian presidential candidate. “It was the same thing when Anna Nicole died during Ramadan. We just put off the festival of Eid al-Fitr for a while. No biggee. Plus, how many traumatic world events can Twitter handle at one time?”
Sources inside the Guardian Council report that hard-liners are relieved the King of Pop has stolen the limelight from the uprising, which was a continuing problem within the Islamic Republic. “Now that everybody is focused on Michael,” quoted an anonymous source, “we can really bust some heads.”
The official statement released by the office of the country’s Supreme Leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, was less direct. “The only way to confront your enemy is through the fortification of resistance and Jihad. Death to Vicodin.”
President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was in seclusion and could not be reached for comment, as he was still pretty upset about Farah Fawcett.
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