Wearing a muted blue suit and his trademark pacemaker, Paul Grattan Kirk made his first appearance today as Senator-designee from Massachusetts. The 71-year-old lawmaker pledged to fill out the late Sen. Edward Kennedy's term with "dignity, honor, and a little bit of the old Hyannisport razzle dazzle." After a stunning tap dance display, he fielded questions about his middle name from reporters ("does it rhyme with "Rattan," like the wooden chair?" or "does it mean 'with cheese' in some other language?").When asked about the decision, Governor Patrick did not state anything beyond that he wanted "to see what will happen".
Kirk's most prominent role was as Chairman of the Democratic National Committee from 1985 to 1989, during what historians have termed the hilariously "pathetic" era of the DNC. He is also a trustee of Stonehill College, and was instrumental in changing the school's name from "Monkey Face University," causing a furor among monkey-faced alumni who wanted their diplomas reprinted.
"I've made mistakes, sure. Have I ever been accused of accidentally drowning an innocent girl? No. But have I killed an innocent girl? Absolutely. And I think the people of the great State of Massachusetts will be fine with that till next January."
When it was pointed out that Massachusetts is, in fact, a Commonwealth, Sen. Kirk excused himself and said he had to call his nephew, William Kirk Smith, at the Kirk compound in Palm Beach "about some stuff."
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