Baton Rouge, LA -14-year-old Billy McDonald avoided every teenager’s worst nightmare Thursday as his boner went completely unnoticed when called to the front of his Civics class to deliver a report on JFK. To McDonald’s surprise, there was no giggling or pointing as he made his walk toward the blackboard in what seemed to be slow motion. “I thought everyone was going to see it for sure,” said McDonald, ”I was sweating like a pig and hard as a rock.”
The teen initially tried to make up an excuse as to why he was unable to deliver his report but once confronted with a failing grade, this brave young man knew he was out of options. At that moment, Billy realized he had to make the journey to the front of the classroom, wood or no wood. Luckily, McDonald is known for his resourcefulness and thanks to a little quick thinking and the camouflage of a manila folder, Billy’s willy remained unexposed and his reputation remained untarnished.
The JFK report went relatively smoothly and in the end, McDonald received a B-. Billy would have liked to receive a higher grade but given the circumstances, he chose not to argue. “I was just glad to be out of there,” said McDonald. “There are a lot of girls in that class and I just wanted it to be over with.” Susan Mitchell, who sits across from Billy in Mr. Mahoney’s Civics class, didn’t notice the erection during the presentation but did let out a big “Ewwwwww!” when we told her about it later.
While McDonald was originally nothing but relieved none of his classmates had observed his soldier standing at attention, as the day went on, Billy began to wonder why nobody had noticed his hardened trouser snake. By the end of the day, teenage insecurity had set in and Billy began to think perhaps he did his job a little too well. “I mean, it’s not because I’m small right?” asked McDonald, “I mean, I’m still growing and 5 inches is normal…right…right? I mean, not that I measured or anything. I’m just saying. Oh God, you’re not going to print this part are you?”
McDonald believes the unexpected hard on was provoked by an episode of “Zane’s Sex Chronicles” he had viewed on late night cable television the night before but nobody can really be sure as to what actually caused the unannounced stiffy. “Boners are a total mystery,” says McDonald. “Nobody knows where they come from and damned if we know where they go.”
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