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2:26:27 AM Tue, February 9th 2010
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Kanye West, "I Guess God Hates Poor, Black People, Especially Ones That Try An' Speak French."
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Joe Biden Sneaks Past Security, Crashes State Dinner WASHINGTON, D.C. – Much to the chagrin of the Secret Service, Vice President Joe Biden breached a security checkpoint and attended the administration’s first official State dinner at the White ... Read more... |
Black Eyed Peas Song Single-Handedly Fixes Economy Washington, D.C. - I got a feeling…that the recession is over. In June of 2009, Congress passed a controversial bill allowing the Black Eyed Peas to dominate the pop charts ... Read more... |
Crazy Man on Street Not Ranting About God A city is in shock today after an investigation uncovered that the crazy man on the corner bellowing at drivers who have ignored him for years has actually not been ... Read more... |
Local Band to Write Song About a Girl Spokane, WA – Little known Spokane rock band, Menocide, promises to break new musical ground immediately as members prepare to embark on writing and composing an original song about ... Read more... |
Hockey Player’s Tooth Loss Due to Love of Sweets, Not Brawls St. Paul, Minnesota – Duluth hockey player Brain Greenwood broke down in an interview Wednesday and admitted his toothless grin is the result of years of a... Read more... |
Terrorist Breaches iTunes End User License Agreement The link between weapons and music software may be a thin one, for most people, but a local Mac enthusiast sect of the Al Qaeda have done the impossible, by ... Read more... |
Six Year-Old Crawls Inside Meghan McCain, Floats Away The nation was transfixed yesterday when Meghan McCain came untethered and floated into the atmosphere with what many believed was a six year-old boy huddled in the crawlspace between her ... Read more... |
Erection Successfully Hidden During Walk To Front Of Classroom Baton Rouge, LA -14-year-old Billy McDonald avoided every teenager’s worst nightmare Thursday as his boner went completely unnoticed when called to the front of his Civics class to deliver a ... Read more... |
Palin Dispatched to Switzerland; Polanski On Edge Geneva – Swiss officials expressed alarm today upon learning that former US Vice-Presidential candidate and all around ‘mama bear’ Sarah Palin had been contracted by the Los Angeles County District ... Read more... |
Tough Questions Await New Mass. Senator Wearing a muted blue suit and his trademark pacemaker, Paul Grattan Kirk made his first appearance today as Senator-designee from Massachusetts. The 71-year-old lawmaker pledged to fill out the late ... Read more... |
Taylor Swift Exacts Revenge on West In a stunning turn of events, pop princess Taylor Swift turned the tables on rapper Kanye West after last week's awkward VMA moment. Just 18 hours later, Kanye was in ... Read more... |
Jerry Jones Reveals Giant Remote Control After installing the largest television screen in the world hovering over the field at Dallas’ new stadium, owner Jerry Jones revealed its accompanying remote control to the world.Measuring 13' x ... Read more... |
This weekend in Italy, the Amanda Knox case drew to a close and the verdict, guilty on all counts, sent ripples through the privileged white college community. If the Italian authorities could do this to Miss. Knox, what could they do to your rich white honor student on their semester abroad?
Los Angeles - As the world stumbles to come to the aid of earthquake victims in Haiti, the poorest island nation in the western hemisphere, self-proclaimed music prodigy Kanye West has tried to put it all in cosmic perspective. "I mean, I've tried to understand this s**t, first Katrina, now this." Before making this apocryphal statement, West and his associates did some research to see if there was any way rich white people could have caused the earthquake.
Heaven – The Almighty issued a press release today revealing His next inexplicable human tragedy would occur a few days prior to this year’s Oscar telecast to take advantage of Hollywood’s star power.